Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
