Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
