I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
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After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just leave with hair like that
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Everclear isn't food dammit
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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