We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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