Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
