thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
