Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
