i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
