Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
