She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
