would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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