I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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