Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
only you would photoshop your dick
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Holy shit dude........stairs
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
