he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
