Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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