you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
