"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
whose ass print is on the piano?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
