So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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