If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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