Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
