Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Of course I have a pirate flag
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
