I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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