she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
where are my eyebrows?
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