I heard we made out
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize