he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
