when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
