The brown eye won't let me do that either.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
