Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
