i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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