I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
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