Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
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If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
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I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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