Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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