I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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