do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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