Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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