i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
