we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I smell stomach acid.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
