wrigley field is MILF paradise
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
