she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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