the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
