they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
