We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
