I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
