Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
