why didn't you poke me back
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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