she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
