I think I died a long time ago.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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