even my farts smell like vagina
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
