We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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