Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
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