they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
