I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
