she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
