I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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