You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
