I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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