I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
