Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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