Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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