my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
