you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
