This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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