In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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