another moral hangover. fuck.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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