ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
