But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
