You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
he quoted the bible to break up with me
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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